Cap's Tech Top 5

The Golden Age

Friends, country men and fellow stoners, I bring you fond greetings from the Weed Nation. Today I pay homage to the world of technology. Yes today we bow down to the egg-head, the pocket protector wearing braniac. I mean do we ever give this guy his props? They make the tough sacrifices, long lonely nights in the lab or glued to a computer screen all for the pursuit of technology to make my life easier.

Here is my list of best God-damned things around.

1) 6 second turkey bacon (Hormel Pre-Cooked Bacon). Yeah that’s right pre-cooked turkey bacon, the perfect snack for the frantic stoner caught in the midst of the frenzy. Each slice takes a mere six seconds of microwavery to reach a perfect crisp texture and tasting of bacon heaven.


2) The Roomba: This shit is real, it cleans the floor in your house all by itself. I mean I don’t know when the last time you sweep or mopped or even vacuumed a floor but that shit is not fun. And as a stoner there’s always a pinch of bud or ash on the floor, what better than self programmed dirt lovin' monster? Sure this leaves the door open for an “I Robot” type attempt to revolt against mankind but to never have to touch a broom again I’ll take the risk.


3) The George Foreman Grill: You know I never took that fat, happy son-of-a-bitch seriously until he started talking about food. And now I know why he’s so happy; he can cook a whole chicken in 25 minutes. “Get in my belly!” This is one of the greatest inventions since the microwave.

4) The Ipod Nano: are you kidding me? I was high as hell but the screen on this thing is insane. I watched a whole episode of Good Times while waiting at the DMV. I remember when we were all amazed by those fancy watch calculators from Taiwan back in the 80’s.

5) eClipse Bluetooth MP3 Watch
Now this is just stupid, it’s a watch, MP3 player, compatible with any Bluetooth device phone or otherwise. Comes with Bluetooth-enabled foldable stereo headphones. PC and Mac compatible device has 1GB of built-in flash memory for MP3 music plus data on documents and spreadsheets. Built-in recorder stores voice memos.
This is a close most of us will ever get to a real James Bond type spy watch. I mean how do they even put all that shit into one tiny case? Mind boggling and intriguing.


5) Oxygen Mini Vaporizer by Air2 - A tiny hand-held Vaporizer. This is not only a healthier way to consume your bud, it’s also some very stealth shit. Look, I love blazing up right before I walk into a movie theater (which I do often) this really reduces the scent and provides a clean, and viscious hit. The little guy would have made my most recent voyage to view “I Am LEGEND” great if the movie had’t sucked so bad.

Well these are my top five wonders of modern technology. I know most of you would have selected something like the invention of the internet, the light bulb, or splitting the atom, but today was about showing some love to some really cool shit that makes my personal life better.

Peace.

Drug Induced

Well here we go again. I know some of you may consider me a conspiracy theorist but things like the following confirm my nightmares:

Amadou Diouf, an immigrant from Senegal, was recently awarded $50,000.00 in a suit against the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Department. Diouf, who came to the U.S. to pursuit his education, was detained for nearly 2 years for over staying his student visa. In February of 2007 he was put on a plane for deportation. The agents wrestled him to the ground and forcibly injected him with drugs to sedate him.
The drug of choice was Haldol, which is often used to treat schizophrenia or other mental illnesses, although he had no history of mental illness. Another man, Raymond Soeoth of Indonesia, was injected with a still unknown drug. This is some scary shit right? Not the stuff that is supposed to happen in America right? But it does.
Our government is using drugs to control people. The same anti-drug, just say no, establishment that persecutes Marijuana Smokers for smoking an herb. How fucking ridiculous it that? How insanely, disturbingly ridiculous is that.
This is what chemically created stimulants can be used for. This is the danger of a society that embraces man made drugs so deeply. I mean imagine some shit like that happening in this day, 2008. But it’s real. And it happens quite often. In fact the government has previously acknowledged that 56 people facing deportation received psychotropic medications in 2006 and 2007.
I’m scared to know shit like this happens. I’m scared because maybe it isn’t just immigrants being deported. Maybe it’s also regular citizens that don’t conform. This seems far from home but it’s not a big leap when you think about it. And I’m sure somewhere in some lab some scientist is developing an even better drug for a more sinister purpose. This is what we are up against. I hope you’ll join the fight.