Cap's Tech Top 5

The Golden Age

Friends, country men and fellow stoners, I bring you fond greetings from the Weed Nation. Today I pay homage to the world of technology. Yes today we bow down to the egg-head, the pocket protector wearing braniac. I mean do we ever give this guy his props? They make the tough sacrifices, long lonely nights in the lab or glued to a computer screen all for the pursuit of technology to make my life easier.

Here is my list of best God-damned things around.

1) 6 second turkey bacon (Hormel Pre-Cooked Bacon). Yeah that’s right pre-cooked turkey bacon, the perfect snack for the frantic stoner caught in the midst of the frenzy. Each slice takes a mere six seconds of microwavery to reach a perfect crisp texture and tasting of bacon heaven.


2) The Roomba: This shit is real, it cleans the floor in your house all by itself. I mean I don’t know when the last time you sweep or mopped or even vacuumed a floor but that shit is not fun. And as a stoner there’s always a pinch of bud or ash on the floor, what better than self programmed dirt lovin' monster? Sure this leaves the door open for an “I Robot” type attempt to revolt against mankind but to never have to touch a broom again I’ll take the risk.


3) The George Foreman Grill: You know I never took that fat, happy son-of-a-bitch seriously until he started talking about food. And now I know why he’s so happy; he can cook a whole chicken in 25 minutes. “Get in my belly!” This is one of the greatest inventions since the microwave.

4) The Ipod Nano: are you kidding me? I was high as hell but the screen on this thing is insane. I watched a whole episode of Good Times while waiting at the DMV. I remember when we were all amazed by those fancy watch calculators from Taiwan back in the 80’s.

5) eClipse Bluetooth MP3 Watch
Now this is just stupid, it’s a watch, MP3 player, compatible with any Bluetooth device phone or otherwise. Comes with Bluetooth-enabled foldable stereo headphones. PC and Mac compatible device has 1GB of built-in flash memory for MP3 music plus data on documents and spreadsheets. Built-in recorder stores voice memos.
This is a close most of us will ever get to a real James Bond type spy watch. I mean how do they even put all that shit into one tiny case? Mind boggling and intriguing.


5) Oxygen Mini Vaporizer by Air2 - A tiny hand-held Vaporizer. This is not only a healthier way to consume your bud, it’s also some very stealth shit. Look, I love blazing up right before I walk into a movie theater (which I do often) this really reduces the scent and provides a clean, and viscious hit. The little guy would have made my most recent voyage to view “I Am LEGEND” great if the movie had’t sucked so bad.

Well these are my top five wonders of modern technology. I know most of you would have selected something like the invention of the internet, the light bulb, or splitting the atom, but today was about showing some love to some really cool shit that makes my personal life better.

Peace.